


To actually date a ghost

by SpyroTheGayGhost



Series: A Ghoul and a Ghost [2]
Category: Less is Morgue (Podcast)
Genre: Even more kissing, Fred thinks they're adorable together dw, Gay Panic, Kissing, Other, Riley is a cuddle addict, communication is important yall, trying to figure out a non traditional relationship, your best ghoul friend, your ghost host with the most
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29111481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyroTheGayGhost/pseuds/SpyroTheGayGhost
Summary: Riley, now officially together with Evelyn, is now panicking about how to actually date someone. Struggling to make any progress, Evelyn calls upon an old podcast guest to see if they have any advice on how to do romance, let alone romance with a ghost.
Relationships: Riley Almanzor/Evelyn Hooper
Series: A Ghoul and a Ghost [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135934
Kudos: 2





	To actually date a ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm far from dead and I wanna give this small fandom the gay monster content it deserves! And yes, this is now a series! I love writing these two in a way you wouldn't see in the show, but I think they're really cute together! I hope all of you enjoy! And be sure to stick around for more!  
> I love you all sm!!!

“Riles, it’s not that big of a deal.”  
  
“YES! IT IS! IT’S THE BIGGEST FUCKING DEAL!”  
  
It had now been two weeks since Riley had clumsily confessed their feelings for their ghost friend, and things had been weird ever since. They both didn’t really know what to _do_ , Evelyn had experience with relationships but none since her death, and Riley was in completely new territory for them. However despite this, things were going okay. They slowly started cuddling more, being more open, and just a _whole_ lot more kissing (Ev was a big fan and Riley was far from saying no to more).  
The morning started off fine enough, with Riley sipping on some cool vinegar as they edited another episode, before the realization hit them that they had yet to take Ev on an actual date, causing them to panic.  
  
“Look, Riley, you don’t gotta drop everything like this. We can just plan this-”  
  
“BUT IT’S BEEN _TWO WEEKS_ AND YOU DESERVE A NICE DATE AND FUCK I’M BAD AT THIS-”  
  
Riley’s words were cut off by a quick kiss to their lips, causing the ghoul to stop in the tracks. The ghost pulled away with a small smirk.  
  
“Feeling better, Riles?”  
  
“Y-Yeah….thanks, Ev.”  
  
Having calmed down, Riley took a deep breath.  
  
"Okay okay, we just….need to think this through."

  
“I get you wanna take me out on a date, which I think is really sweet, but I’m not even sure we could even _do_ , given me being a ghost and all.”  
  
  
“Shit! I didn’t think of that…”  
  
  
"Hey! Why don't we get Fred? I bet he has experience with supernatural stuff like this?"

  
Riley blushed a deep dark green and struggled to speak.  
  
"I-I-I don't think w-we're at _that_ stage in our relationship…."  
  
“No no not _that_ ! I’m sure he’s at least heard of people having a relationship like ours, maybe he could have some pointers!”  
  
“You know what, that’s actually not a bad idea. Guess I’ll start the summoning circle, lets see here….”  
  
They reached over their seat and picked up an old jar of mayonnaise with a straw sticking out of it.  
  
“This worked last time.”  
  
“Uh Riley, that looks kinda….old. You sure it's okay?”  
  
“What? Of course it would be, watch.”  
  
Ev tried to stop them but it was too late as Riley swung the straw into their mouth and took a big gulp. Their eyes widened and froze as the straw slowly left their mouth.  
  
“....Riley? Are you okay?”  
  
“What? Yeah I’m….fine.”  
  
“You know….we could just use the summoning app-”  
  
Riley leapt from their chair, clutching their mouth as they sprinted to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind them as the screams of Jon were soon drowned out by the horrific sounds of Riley’s stomach taking its revenge on its owner. Evelyn winced as they picked up their ghost phone, opening up the demon summoning app as they tried to ignore the occasional sounds of hell coming out of the bathroom. After some swiping, a small burst of smoke came from the ground of the basement, with Fred stepping out in his usual, slutty attire.  
  
“Hello mortals, I heard someone called for a good time-”  
  
“Hey Fred!”  
  
“Oh hey Evelyn, long time no see! How’re you?”  
  
“Pretty good!”  
  
“Oh shit are we live? You know I love you two but you really gotta warn me.”  
  
“Nah, we actually called you over cause we needed some advice!”  
  
Fred nodded and took a seat, relaxing as he looked around.  
  
“Oh I see. Uh, where’s Ri-”  
  
A response came up for him as another blech of horror sound effects rang out from the bathroom.  
  
“They drank some bad mayonnaise, I’m sure they’ll be joining us soon.”  
  
“Right. So, Ev dear, what advice did you need? No offense but I wouldn’t exactly pick _me_ for like, life advice.”  
  
“It’s….kinda related to what you do? So uh, me and Riles started dating recently and we’re kinda stuck on like, what we can do for dates and-”  
  
“Sorry, could you rewind a bit? Did you just say that you and Riley are….dating?”  
  
“Yep! It’s been about, two to three weeks now.”  
  
“As in like, a couple?”  
  
“Why is that so shocking?”  
  
“Oh I didn’t mean to offend, it’s just….not exactly what I saw coming. But that sounds absolutely lovely! Is the relationship going well so far?”  
  
“Yeah! We’ve been slowly going at it, but it’s been really nice so far. But we called you over cause we’re kinda stuck-”  
  
The door to the bathroom was kicked open as Riley crawled themself out, dragging themself to the couch next to Ev as Fred and the ghost looked on. Riley climbed onto the couch with a pained groan. Evelyn knew what her partner needed, focusing on becoming physical so Riley could cuddle up to her and try to fight the pain away. Fred smiled at the sight as he waited, Ev raising her eyebrow.  
  
“Uh, what’s up?”  
  
“Um? Oh nothing dear, it’s just really rare for me to see small acts of love like that in my line of work, so I tend to focus on them when they happen.”  
  
Riley swore something about how what they were doing wasn't mushy at all under their breath as they sunk their head into their girlfriend’s shoulder, trying to ignore the tearing pain in their stomach.  
  
“So Ev, you said you two were….stuck?”  
  
“Well yeah, this is the first time I’ve dated since becoming a ghost, this is Riley’s first real relationship, and the first time either of us have dealt with….I guess you can call it a mortality barrier? Basically we’re stuck on what to do for like, dates.”  
  
“Ahhh, I get you. Well I think the problem might be that you’re going about this the wrong way.”  
  
Riley held Ev closer as they slowly lifted their head up at Fred.  
  
“Yeah? How the fuck _should_ we think about it, then?”  
  
“I think you two might be focusing too much on the mortal difference between the two of you, when really, it’s only a small barrier if anything. Think about most date ideas, how many of them actually require Ev to be seen by anyone besides you? Plus not to mention all the devices out there that can help ghosts stay physical without needing to strain themselves. Besides, I highly doubt you two would find much enjoyment out of most, well, _traditional_ dates anyways. Rather than focus on what you can’t do, focus on what you two _want_ to do. How do you want to spend your time together?”  
  
Riley and Evelyn looked up at Fred, taking a moment to think on his words, before the ghost spoke up.  
  
“Was….it really that simple?”  
  
“It can’t be….no no there has to be something else we missed….right?”  
  
“Riles I think we kinda missed the forest for the trees here.”  
  
“Fuuuuuck.”  
  
Ev stroked her hand through Riley’s hair, pondering.  
  
“Well I dunno, where did you wanna go?”  
  
“Hmmm, well Shaz’s art show is still open for a bit, we could rock by there at some point, say hi, I guess.”  
  
“Ooooo and we can tell Shaz that we’re dating!”  
  
“Shit, guess we’re gonna have to do that too. What ideas did you have, Ev?”  
  
“I always wanted to go to the zoo! See all the cute little animals and such-”  
  
“I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.”  
  
“Oh god what did you possibly eat that could get you banned!?”  
  
“Didn’t eat anything for once, I went to expose the bird exhibit as being nothing but a bunch of drones and was officially thrown out when I tore a guard’s arm off that tried to stop me.”  
  
“.....At least you didn’t eat anything cute that time….”  
  
“I mean….I’m not banned at the aquarium, I could take you there sometime? See all the….fish and stuff.”  
  
“That would be amazing!”  
  
Fred smiled at the sight, clearing his throat.  
  
“See? First real step couples learn: communication.”  
  
“Yeah….I guess I see your point. Thanks Fred.”  
  
“No problem Riley. Now unless you two lovies need anything else from me, I should be getting back to work. Evelyn I’ll hit up some ghosts I know and see which of those physical form devices are the good ones and I’ll send you the links.”  
  
“Thank you! We really appreciate your help!”  
  
Fred smiled and slowly stood up from his seat, dusting himself off.  
  
“I’ll be off now. Oh, by the by, I don’t know how to _exactly_ do it, but I _do_ know there is a way for ghosts to remove their spiritual clothing. Just a small FYI from your local incubus just in case you two ever decide to go that far. Ta ta!”  
  
With a puff of smoke, Fred disappeared, leaving the two of them by themselves. Riley groaned, once again shoving their face into the shoulder of their partner.  
  
“I’m going to pretend he didn’t just say all that.”  
  
“Yeah me too….but the stuff about those devices sound really cool! Now we can cuddle without you accidently dropping onto the couch because I lost concentration.”  
  
Riley nodded and slowly rose to their feet, yawning.  
  
“I think I might nap, work through this stomach pain. I’ll finish the editing tomorrow.”  
  
Evelyn smiled and floated up, bringing their partner in for a deep kiss now that they were alone. Truth be told, neither party really wanted these moments to end, but Riley needing to breathe was often the factor that cut this need short. The ghoul smiled as they pulled away, feeling a wave of tiredness wash over them.  
  
“Hey Riles?”  
  
“Yeah Ev?”  
  
“You know what my favourite part about being together with you is?”  
  
“Uh? What?”  
  
“The fact I get to see you smile mooooore.”  
  
Riley rolled their eyes and groaned, but the smile never escaped their lips, they would hate to admit it, but they did like it whenever their girlfriend was lovey dovey. They coughed awkwardly into their fist and looked at the ghost.  
  
“So uuhhhh, Evelyn. Did you….wanna go on a date sometime?”  
  
“Oooooo so official!”  
  
“S-Shut up!”  
  
“Why Almanzor, it’s almost like you’re trying to get me to fall for you!”  
  
“Forget it! Forget I said anything!”  
  
Evelyn laughed and brushed her cheek against theirs.  
  
“Riley? I would love to.”


End file.
